His Judas Bride Read online

  It had been a very long time since she had spoken quite like that. Bold. Uncaring about the way everyone stared, from Kertyn to Ewen McDunnagh, with their mouths wide open. But although it was a shock to her, at least the Wolf froze, so it was a shock she didn’t mind experiencing.

  “A most terrible liar. Yes. You see, the thing is we all did it. So you shouldn’t believe a word—certain words anyway—we say.”

  He tilted his head in that way she’d come to love, and she felt her throat hot with tears.

  “Sometimes it was the only way to survive. By lying.”

  He turned his head and lowered his eyelids. But no more. Oh God, instead of being carried away by her confession, instead of making things easier for her, he insisted on standing looking vaguely discomfited.

  She was not going to have to announce before the whole glen she seduced him, was she?

  “But that night…that night…” Heavens. Was she that desperate for him to turn around and face her, though, her feet now seemed to spring the distance between them? Yes, because she didn’t like the way he stiffened. “I wasn’t lying.”

  If ever she had cause to doubt his speedy ability to pounce, this wasn’t it. Why did he just stand with his head bent like that? As if what he meant was unmistakable, for her to go away again.

  “I wanted to be with you. Yes. I did. Truly. And then—”

  “Hell, can you please just stop a minute? What night are you meaning?”

  Kara refused to sink to the ground, although the thought was very tempting.

  “Sir, I am sure you know perfectly well”—if only her voice were not so faint, but her throat had dried so there was no hope of making it stronger—“what night I am referring to. But in case there is doubt, it was the first one, all right? When I may have seemed to have acted in a way that was rash. When I may have acted in a way you might possibly have construed as being a lie. Not knowing my own true feelings…those of my heart…”

  Adding her soul might be a little strong, although she understood—another test—she wasn’t going to add these words if the way he strode forward and took her by the elbow was anything to go by. This test wasn’t going quite as well as she’d hoped.

  He huffed out a breath. “Do you think this is the place to do this?”

  Test three was trying to keep her feet on the ground as he propelled her across spaces made lumpy by frozen bracken clumps.

  “My wife.”

  One didn’t want people looking but they were anyway, very much as if she were an idiot who needed to be locked in a darkened room for her own safety and everyone else’s.

  Satan’s back came into view, and although she had a horrible prescience that this time she wasn’t going on it, she prayed she was.

  “I told you, didn’t I, dearest? So how about you don’t do this with all these people watching?”

  Her heart darkened, a shadow falling across it. She managed to tug her arm free, although she was not the least bit certain it helped in the matter of keeping her voice even, her breath from tearing. “If I’m your wife, which I am.”

  What were they to her after all? This man was who she wanted. Even if he did stand glaring down at her like this, as if he considered this a huge nuisance.

  “Hell. Not another tiresome discussion about dues. Because if it is, dues are difficult. We’ve been through this. Not ten minutes ago. So how about you remember you’re going to have to lead your people when this is done?”

  “No, you don’t understand—”

  “Listen to me, Kara.”

  She honestly did not know what was worse. The irritation that roiled off him in waves or that he should touch her face like this. His gaze caressed, if only for a second. For old times’ sake, what else could it be? But worse. As if she were a child in need of comforting.

  “I know all this is new to you. I know you’re frightened. And I know you think you have things to explain. But you don’t. You did what you had to do. But now, if you don’t mind, I do have a divorce to arrange.”

  “I did it to get my boy. That’s what you think, isn’t it? The Black Wolf of Lochalpin. Big man that he is. Can’t let himself be seen to be taken in by a woman. So he thinks he can’t possibly be in her blood. In her heart. That heaven forbid, she might want him, in her bed, in her life, because she does.”

  The intense way he stared said she went to places angels wouldn’t darken. Yet she could not forget he had wanted her. He did want her. Even through her pounding disappointment, the song that sung in her veins, was all of that and that only. And she wanted him. And it wasn’t just lust, that feeling she had striven so hard to fight, thinking empires could not be destroyed by this. It was him. Every bit of him.

  So why, when she tried so hard to find herself here, to find him—yes, even to the extent of making a god-awful fool of herself, when her eyes smarted—why did he glower like that and set his jaw?

  “Just you keep telling yourself that, Princess. Over and over. Because even if these good people there weren’t your destiny—which they are by the way—”

  “My destiny? I wasn’t their destiny all the years I rotted in that cell.”

  “Would you like to tell me how you see this working? Go on. You and me.”

  “Sir, if you’re meaning my father—”

  Now his jaw didn’t just set, his lips firmed. He let go of her face. “Hang it all, isn’t that just something else? Your father is the least of it. That other night. Not the one you’re talking about. Do you think I’m in any way proud of that?”

  “But you…you were only pretending. You came back for me. You said you just wanted to be with me.”

  Her throat clenched. Oh God, he set his boot in the stirrup now and pulled himself up, sliding his long leg over Satan’s back.

  “Before I knew exactly who you were.”

  No. No.

  Just wait.

  She would wait. Because if she didn’t, then she had learned nothing, nor would she ever.

  He’d just gone somewhere she didn’t know how to get him back from. But she would. She must.

  If it was so hard for her to shed her shell, why should it be any easier for him, when their shells were so thick as to be armor-plated?

  They were like warriors, and underneath they slugged it out against themselves.

  “Before I knew everything you must have been through. I’m sorry, Kara. I can’t do it. Not wondering how you could possibly be in my bed at all. And I don’t want you thinking you owe me for your son.”

  Despite her determination not to be that woman again, the one who found it impossible to trust, what surged and filled her veins made it impossible for her to argue.

  * * *

  Of course, he could. He could do it. Who was he kidding? Callm tied Satan up in the big cave at the far end of the beach, where the men kept the horses. Her action had thrown him completely when a second before that, she hadn’t been able to look at him and he’d wished and wished, standing there, inhaling her provocative, soft essence, that she would. Just once.

  The hardest thing he’d done in his life was to stick his foot in the stirrup and then pull himself up into the saddle. But, when it came to feet, he still sweated to think how badly he’d stuck his in places he should never have trodden.

  He needed to believe the try was nice. That she only pretended to feel something for him. That when she stepped back from it all, she’d see the last thing either of them honestly needed was her misguidedly thinking she needed him, because he’d brought back her son.

  Cursing beneath his breath, he scrunched across the deserted shingle, Dug following at his heels.

  Believing it was taking a bit of doing though, wasn’t it? When Morven died, the fear of being hurt ever again consumed him. But love was taking that risk, taking it every day, even if you knew you might be facing an empty life without that person. It wasn’t about worrying you’d look stupid because you might crumble, if that happened. About covering yourself in such armor you becam
e this other person.

  He thought that as he scrambled back into the cave, because, like the beach the place was empty. Horribly so. And so was he. He may have learned that much. The pity was he’d not damn well learned it sooner. Then he wouldn’t have acted in that unforgivable way. What a damn fool he was. Ruthless? Too much so for words.

  Actually, he didn’t even know why the hell he’d come back here. She was right about this place. It was awful. There wouldn’t be the same need for him or his men now. Tomorrow he’d go home. He just couldn’t face it tonight. Not knowing she might still be there.

  * * *

  Kara squeezed around, taking care not to graze herself against the rough stone wall. Below her the water lapped quietly. He was usually more alert than this, but she supposed now there was peace, there wasn’t the same need to be on guard—his men certainly weren’t, singing and dancing back at Meg’s as well as outside, on the beach itself. Not one of them had seen her slip in here.

  Big Murdie may have helped her by distracting them, but it wasn’t all down to him. She could be very quiet when she chose to.

  Slowly she let out her breath and narrowed her eyes to accustom them to the gloom. She picked the Wolf out on the bed. He was sprawled there, still fully dressed, flicking through a pile of papers, watching the last five years of his life going up in the nearby flames in all probability. A little idly. A little as if it didn’t matter now, one way or the other, what came next.

  The firelight bronzed the muddy-blond streaks in his hair, and her heart skipped the tiniest fraction of a beat. Even as she stood here, her instincts screamed he might again deny her. Perfectly reasonable fear tightened every muscle. Even her fingers ached from clenching her hands. She wished they would not. It was, she fully admitted, a terrible thing to love a man like this. Which was why she could not countenance losing this.

  Surely, here where they had shared so much though, he would be more inclined to listen? Already she had determined, in coming here, not to take no for an answer, although she could see, the mistake this might prove.

  Tilting her head, she advanced the last few yards onto the shingle. If he heard her now, what was he going to do exactly?

  “What the…”

  His language, as always on seeing her, was something he fought to control. At least surprise had the decency to glint beneath his eyelids. Hopefully a good sign. That and the fact he didn’t grit.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” Although his eyes did freeze. “Where’s Arland?”

  He tried to rise but she moved forward and straddled him, pressing her hands against his shoulders to stop him. It was typical he should think he could be of service to her. And he could. Just not in the way he thought.

  “With Meg. At your house. Never mind Arland just now.”

  Talking of Arland like this made her look bad. She knew it. Her heart beat so fast just thinking it.

  But this was not going to be easy. A ready-made family was something she had never envisaged, even in her wildest dreams. She would have no family at all, however, if she did not win back this man. It would be just her and Arland.

  It was not just exactly. Just was the wrong word to use when she considered how deeply she had hungered for her son, through nights too dark to contemplate. But tomorrow was time to know him. Tonight was time for keeping this.

  Besides, the way Fallon had dragged Arland about with her the entire afternoon was not displeasing. For perhaps the first time ever Arland had another child to play with.

  Her boots had fallen loose, and she kicked them free, hearing them tumble to the ground. “You said I was to get in touch with you, if I’d any reason.”

  If she’d said she was to sprout a pair of wings and now, and not only had she done it, but could fly about the cave, he could not have looked more astonished. Of course she had told him there wasn’t a reason, so it was small wonder he now tried to jerk upright.

  “But you—you… All right.” He drew down his brows. “What is it?”

  He thought this was another ploy on her part, didn’t he? Well, he was mistaken.

  “This.”

  Before he could stop her, she grasped the sides of his face and pressed her lips to his, her fingers tangling in his hair. Given a choice, she might have tried talking, but enough time had been wasted. She had already determined it was her best, if not the only, weapon to use, should she be in any danger of failing. Besides he tasted so good. Even better than earlier, her mouth had no trouble, although his response—well, if she stopped to think about his response, or rather his squirming lack of it, she’d go away again.

  “And you want to know how I see this working? This is how I see it working.” Edging her lips away she deliberately opened his tunic to expose the hard wall of his chest. “Because if I can be persuaded to let you in my bed, I think you can return the compliment, I know you have reason to find this as difficult as me.”

  “You can’t know.”

  “I do know.” She bent her head. As ever his chest tasted as good as his mouth. So good a flame shot through her. Although she knew she had to keep control, she felt that gradual melting of mouth and skin. It was all she could do not to lick him, but until she said what she had to, that might be her undoing.

  “I know how much you loved Morven. How you fell apart. How you’ve been trying not to love again. And I also know that I came to this glen and was lost. You saved me. You saved us both.”

  “Princess.” He turned his face aside. Not entirely in that way he had that first night. But not far from it. Maybe he was flattered, maybe he was aroused for that matter, but it wasn’t enough for him to succumb. And now he didn’t just try to rise again. He succeeded. Indeed he shot up as if she bit him.

  “I love you.”

  The knowledge forced a panicked declaration of the words. Not as she meant to say them. She would be lying through her teeth if she told herself it was the actual intimate scenario she had imagined. It didn’t matter. What mattered was the sense of feeling this slip away from her, of being compelled against her will to accept something she could not accept. What mattered was that she refused to allow her voice to betray anything other than her rising passion.

  “Do you understand that? Not because you rescued my son. I love you because of the kind of man you are.”

  “You can’t.”

  How like him to think that. But she did. She loved him regardless for the things he’d taught her. The lesson that meant she was capable of this. That he held himself back because of it, only made him seem more honorable in that instant somehow. Even if she hadn’t already, in that second she would have forgiven him anything. Even stealing her heart. She flicked a tendril of hair back from her forehead.

  “And I promise, I promise not to breathe a word, about any of these things I know, if you’ll just…just give me due treatment as your wife. It’s all I want.”

  “Hell. Son of a whore, Kara, that’s blackmail. You little—”

  She clasped the sides of his face and slammed her mouth on his before he could finish. She had to do this. She had to win here, or she’d die. He was losing restraint, and her blood began to beat as through the layers of the inky blue gown she felt his body harden beneath her, his mouth start to respond to the relentless pressure of her own.

  Relief, a powerful aphrodisiac, swept into every part of her. At last, she had him completely at her mercy, in terms of his own body’s response. And oh, thank God, it was sweet. So sweet, she hardly knew that she had brought him back down on the bed again and they kissed in this hot, sensuous, open-mouthed way. His hands, which had moved to push her away, instead curved her thighs, at the juncture with her body.

  “And you…you obviously love me.” Moving her mouth away, she edged her fingers between the hot press of their bodies, to squeeze his manhood, rock hard and wanting of her touch beneath the casing of his breeches. “So you won’t mind if this is how it works. Or if I blackmail you. Because, believe me, it’s going to work.” />
  She captured his mouth with hers again, and delight surged that this time he let her. Let her undo his breeches too. Her people would need to understand something, she thought, as she edged her hand inside. No matter the rebuilding to be done, this man, with all his needs and complexities, came first. Because part of her would always be Kara McGurkie, who spent four days in the total seclusion of this cave with him, doing hot, delicious things it made her blood roar to recollect. And all of her would always love him.

  “Princess,” he groaned, after a few seconds, at the very back of his throat.

  She didn’t know if she’d ever seen him look like that. Or sound like it either. Quietly impassioned, in a way that made her want all of him at once and long for that moment too.

  “What?”

  “You’re such a damned hussy. You know that?”

  “But you like it. So you won’t compl—”

  The breath left her body in a gulp, as he flipped her onto her back in one swift move.

  “Man’s prerogative.”

  She wasn’t going to object, what with the heat from his body that flooded her. His eyes surveyed her, devoured her. She might have been a tasty piece of meat and him a starving bear. The look was so heated, yet sweet. She couldn’t imagine anything more delicious than his breath brushing her lips, the ends of his hair tickling her cheeks. Well, she could, which was why she parted her lips with the anticipation that swept, like a fever, through her body, the pores of her skin tightening in a dangerously intoxicating arousal.

  “What did I tell you before, you impertinent tinker baggage? About you telling me what to think?”

  He edged his hand beneath her skirt and she gasped. Oh, she was a hussy, wasn’t she, because she couldn’t even answer him. And it was delicious.

  “And you really left”—he quirked his lips in that playful way that always set her pulses dancing—“Arland with Meg?”

  “Foolish, I know. But I thought our marriage should be consummated.”

  All she could think as his fingers next worked their way up her bare thigh was what he was going to do to her now she’d finally managed to bring him back from wherever it was he’d gone. “So, Arland and Fallon could do with brothers and sisters. You Brotherhood men could be redundant now. What else will you be doing to occupy your time?”